I am not an animal
by Scimitarmoon
Summary: Erik meets someone who helps him make peace with humanity and himself. Complete.


Summary: A short story. Erik meets someone who helps him to make peace with himself and humanity.

Verse: it appears to be the bookverse without the death part at the end.

AN: Reviews are nice. After this I have no plans to do any more phanfic, or fanfic in general, but you never know. However, I do plan on finishing anything I left unfinished.

Don't you understand? It's not just her who ruined me, it was everyone, everyone I ever met, people who passed me in the street. Everyone.

It had begun with his mother all those years ago, and it would end with Christine. The only way to not be hurt by people was to stay away from them; it was ironic because he found himself seeking out company only to be failed, time and time again; some how it would be better to be hurt repeatedly than to be really alone forever. Why else would he had thrown away everything for a girl- yes, a girl who did not love him. Not because he was a fool or desperate- simply because he was one of them, a flawed, needy human being who had torn himself to pieces because of her and because of the human race.

Man cannot live on bread alone.

No he certainly could not- there was no use in trying. Erik didn't want someone to share his bed with- he needed another human being, man, woman, anyone to share his life with. But there was no one. Why? A stupid, pointless reason. It was unfair. To begin with every cruel act against him was unjust, but by now Erik had thoroughly earned every ounce of suffering he had endured. Just as his mother had fabricated a good excuse to make it alright not to love him, he had found a way to justify every cruel act he had committed against the human race. He had always been encouraged- as an impressionable youth, how would he have known which influence was bad, and which was good? Old habits die hard; it didn't matter what he did, everyone would always hate him. All excuses- Society couldn't take all of the responsibility, Erik had caused his own undoing just as much as everyone else. His entire life was a punishment for everything he had done- and everything he had done was because of his punishment, it was a perfect circle of fate. There was no other way his life could have been. Erik was born to suffer, and cause suffering.

Why did he come here? He was not alone as a human being, or as a freak. That's why there were so many travelling fares around. Plenty of people to stare.

Presently, he sat in a hotel lobby, crying. No one had had ever made him weep for compassion; for self pity, anguish, love yes, but compassion, never. There was a man who understood, but he was not like Erik. Erik did not know why he had sought him out- something had compelled him to let himself into his hotel room and ask how he did it. After all that life has thrown at him, how he be content, how he could forgive people for how they treated him. How could he be so damn nice?

Joseph had smiled at him- despite the fact that he had broken into his hotel room, and asked him what they had called him. Erik laughed; "the living corpse" _nice. _

"Elephant man" _ha, beat that. _Not everyone could hide behind a mask. Lots of people had been dealt a bad hand, he said, but it was up to them how they took it; it was never down to fate, people had wronged Erik, and he chosen to do wrong to them. It wasn't necessary, none of it was, he _could _have been happy.

He had quoted the bible, "If a man slaps you on a right cheek, let him slap you on the left cheek as well." Then the boundary between aggressor and victim, guilty and innocent was clear. For Erik there was no line, not since he saw to it that the human race paid, and he'd spent his life doing just that, it was not because he was amoral, or because he didn't read the bible. He had become what everyone thought he was: a monster. He shouldn't have fought back, if he hadn't, he'd be a better man than all of them.

But that was all in the past now, apparently, Erik still had time to redeem himself, deep down inside he had a spark of compassion which would enable himself to forgive Christine, Raoul, his mother, even himself: everyone, and even though he was despised, he would rejoin humanity and in that way he would never be alone. Perhaps people would still turn away from him, but he would be one of _them. _

Still wouldn't be enough.

But if he allowed that inner spark to grow, someone would notice; not all people were riddled with vanity, somebody would notice, and he would not be alone, in any sense.

"But after all that I've done" said Erik "I don't think I've got it in me, there's nothing for anyone to see"

"There's something to see in everyone. Even you. Everyone deserves forgiveness."

Deeply moved by his compassion Erik had broken down and wept.No one had ever given him compassion before, not even Christine who had only pitied him. That was the only thing he'd ever needed.

After composing himself enough to speak he thanked Joseph sincerely and left; he didn't know what he was going to do, but he could not go back to the Opera House, there was nothing left for him there, and he couldn't stay in a hotel because he didn't have enough money. Erik went down to the lobby and had a scotch- he would have to think about all that tomorrow.


End file.
